My “Lately” has been a real high strung “Lately.” As much as I want to be someone who rolls with the punches naturally, I’m not… and that completely frustrates me about myself. Life seems to be a never ending smorgasbord of interconnected yet separate pieces that vie for my attention. I’ve been re-reading A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, by Donald Miller, and it’s brought light to quite a bit of my “lately.” He talks about the idea of leaving room for the “writer who is not me” to draw us into a better story, about “being a better character”, and about a “more meaningful set of experiences” to live through.
It’s still the first month of a brand new year and I’ve tried over and over to think of the perfect and most needed change to affect in 2011. It’s been quite a challenge since all the while I’ve been working 12 hour days and planning a wedding on top of that. At first, I thought my resolution list was awesome…. but then I realized it looked like it came out of a business book, so I erased it and started over. I got as far as making a “want to read” list and then somehow the task got buried under my work and wedding to-do lists.
So, as I lay in bed reading, trying to wind down my brain from a full 12 hours of “go mode”, I had a moment that can only best be described through a quote from the book….
“I was driving over the Bybee Bridge and listening to Talk of the Nation on NPR when a story came on about a man who was reunited with his father whom he hadn’t seen in twenty years. I listened to the story apathetically, not applying it to my life, when suddenly the Voice, and I am talking about the Writer who is not me, pounded on the keyboard, broke the pencil on the paper, and was so emphatic that I had to pull my truck over by the golf course.”
Christopher and I decided we want our wedding to be about intentionality, about living life to the full, about living a better story. How we will end up fleshing out these theories and intentions, we’re not quite sure yet, but we’re determined. Last night I realized I was missing the point of what our whole theme is supposed to be about. I realized I’ve been more consumed with myself and “what I need to get done” than anything else. Yes, I’m busy. Yes, I have no time. Yes, there’s still a million and a half things to do. But if that’s my story, I’m not sure it’s going to be the shining nostalgic memory I’ve always hoped it would be, years down the road…
But What if…
What if this is “the Writer who is not me” whispering a better story in my own life? What if the purpose for this time is to learn boundaries so my “to do” list doesn’t continue to monopolize my story? What if a wedding isn’t about flowers and colors and music and the dress I want and guest lists? What if the greater purpose of a wedding is to draw myself, as well as the people in my life, into a better story?
I have no answers, but I do have more questions. For now, I’m okay with that because I think I’ve realized that a better story is in the works.
(taken with my phone at the Minneapolis Airport)
(taken with my phone at the Long Beach Airport)
I know this is kind of a random blog post, but I thought I’d share a little about my story and what I’m learning…. since, after all, we’re all in this together. Happy Friday.
